To Take a Break
by ThatFilmStudent
Summary: 'I think we should take a break.' Those seven words are the bane of Remus Lupin's existence. He hates the term 'take a break' because he knows that taking a break leads to breaking up, which is something he is not overly fond of doing. In which Remus is suffering from heartbreak but maybe it won't last forever? Remus/Sirius, mentioned James/Lily. Modern/Non-Magical AU.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own these HP characters. Nor do I own ITV, Netflix, Stranger Things, Judge Rinder, Star Trek: The Original Series or any other notable products refere** **nced in the following story.**

* * *

'I think we should take a break.'

Those seven words are the bane of Remus Lupin's existence. He hates those words, especially when they are directed at him. He hates the term 'take a break' because he knows that 'taking a break' leads to breaking up, which is something he is not overly fond of doing. Besides that, the phrase also gives him a bit of false hope that it is just a temporary situation and that he and whoever he is with will fall together again, even though he knows that they will not be getting back together.

He understands, of course. He isn't exactly a catch. He isn't really out there when it comes to relationships or feelings; or dealing with people in general, really. He is an introvert by nature, and he is slightly 'emotionally stunted' – meaning that while he has a lot of internal feelings, and although he is an articulate man, he has trouble expressing himself – but it is not like his partners didn't know this before they got with him. Hell, he'd even bet that it was part of the appeal for some of them. Perhaps they were under the impression that they could fix him. But they couldn't, because he isn't broken. He just didn't know them well enough to trust them.

But still, he understands why those words are spoken to him so often. He doesn't really have a lot going for him. He has a tiny flat that he shares with his fellow university student and friend, Lily Evans. He has a job at Lidl which, admittedly, is fair pay but it's not exactly glamorous. He co-owns a Goldfish named Bob (original, he knows – but in his defence, his niece named it) and he personally owns a puppy named Kevin (named after one of his favourite directors, Kevin Smith). He is also a bit of a nerd, which isn't really a deal-breaker but years of bullying during comprehensive school has made him believe that it is a loser-ish thing to be and that he shouldn't advertise his nerdish propensities. Along with that, Remus is also a bit of a 'grammar slammer' which has annoyed his past partners immensely; he is working on his OCD-ic dispositions.

It is worth noting that anyone who has ever dated Remus has been way out of his league. He knows that this sounds self-deprecating, but it really isn't. This is a fact, stated by numerous people throughout his various relationships. Over his relationships with these beautiful people, friends and strangers alike have asked him how he has managed to pull these gorgeous could-be models. And whenever he is asked, he honestly doesn't know what to answer. He is as confused as they are because while he is often called 'cute' or 'strangely attractive', he knows that the people he tends to date are far superior (looks-wise) when compared to him. Honestly, he's amazed when he thinks back to his past girlfriends and boyfriends because they really are all stunners and he sort of understands why they aren't together anymore.

So yes, Remus understands why those words have been the last thing his exes have said to him. He isn't a catch by anyone's standards, let alone his own. And so he understands why his latest ex spoke those words to him not even a month ago.

Honestly, he often wonders why Sirius Black, the Greek God with silver eyes and a smile that was made to make stomachs flutter, the Music and Sense student that Remus met in their third year after they both took the 'Film and Feeling' module, the rich ex-Aristocrat who could have literally anyone he wanted, even dated him in the first place. Sirius is utterly, overwhelmingly gorgeous, and Remus is... well, Remus – a Film and Media student who is strangely attractive and unable to articulate his feelings properly without sounding like an idiot; who is working class at best, a JAM at worst, and who is nowhere near Sirius's standards.

Honestly, why would someone like Sirius Black want to be with someone like Remus when he had handsome men like Benjy Fenwick and Fabian Prewett practically throwing themselves at him?

In all honesty, Remus didn't know – still doesn't know – how he managed to get a seven months with Sirius. By past track records, Sirius should have given up on him by the third month. But he didn't. Sirius is Remus's longest relationship to date and perhaps that is why it hurts so much this time. Or perhaps it hurts so much because not only was Sirius his longest relationship, he was also his favourite.

He and Sirius had seemed so compatible; they had complimented each other brilliantly but they had also contrasted each other well.

Remus was an introvert, Sirius was an extrovert; this was good because it meant that Sirius could drag Remus out of his shell and make him socialise and stop him from withdrawing from the world whilst he could encourage Sirius to slow down and enjoy the simpler moments in life like sitting in their PJs, eating takeaway and binging on the DC and Marvel television shows.

They also had (still have, presumably) loads in common.

They had a similar sense of humour, often falling into bouts of laughter until tears rolled down their cheeks and their stomachs hurt, and they got along wonderfully with each other's friends and families – the Lupins and Sirius's adoptive family, the Potters. Sirius even got along with Lily, Remus's best friend since comprehensive school and someone who isn't easy to please. Kevin also liked Sirius, but Kevin likes everyone.

Another great thing about Sirius was that he was also a massive nerd – he was just better at hiding it. Not only was Sirius a massive nerd who was willing to listen to Remus whenever he talked about films and cinematography and hidden meanings, but Remus had also managed to find someone who loved 'B-Movies' almost as much as he did.

Remus loves watching terrible but brilliant films and the fact that he had found someone who enjoys them too, who also enjoys pointing out the flaws and listening to Remus's running commentary, was, quite frankly, amazing to Remus because none of his friends or exes had enjoyed this particular characteristic about him before. Not only did Sirius enjoy commenting and pointing out flaws with the bad films, he also knew when to be quiet and enjoy the good films. He was the perfect cinema-going/film-watching partner. The fact that they often had mind-blowing sex afterwards was just an added bonus.

Also, Sirius didn't seem to mind Remus's character defects. He didn't mind Remus's slight case of OCD, or whenever Remus corrected his spelling or grammar. He didn't mind keeping his lips to himself in public because Remus isn't a fan of PDAs. He didn't mind that he often had to remind Remus of their dates and/or anniversaries because Remus has a memory like a sieve. Sirius didn't seem to mind any of this, and Remus found himself grateful because a lot of these blemishes had driven others away.

Similarly, Remus didn't mind Sirius's character flaws. He didn't mind that Sirius talked too much or that he didn't seem to have a filter and tended to say the first thing that came to mind, and he didn't mind Sirius's mood swings – a by-product of his hellish childhood with a verbally abusive mother and an apathetic father. Remus also didn't mind that Sirius often texted in multiple messages rather than one solid text (like Remus did) or that he would occasionally rock up to Remus's flat at three o'clock in the morning just to sleep with him – literally sleep, no funny business. (Well, there was often funny business in the morning but Remus was okay with that.)

Remus had enjoyed seven months with Sirius.

Seven months of cinema and Kaspas dates. Seven months of socialising and expanding friendship groups. Seven months of laughter and gentle banter and looks that made his heart beat faster and his stomach flutter indulgently. Seven months of discovering and learning to trust someone other than his parents and Lily. Seven months of opening up and becoming comfortable enough with Sirius to tell him things that he hadn't told anyone before. Seven months of late night talks and fantastic sex and staying in to binge on Stranger Things. Seven months of happiness and smooth kisses and feeling special.

Seven months of pure bliss.

Honestly, for the first time in a long time, he had thought that the relationship would last. But then, as it always did for him, reality came knocking and Sirius said those fateful words – _'Remus, I think we should take a break; just re-evaluate things and see what the world has to offer, yeah?'_ – and Remus's heart actually broke.

Perhaps his breakup with Sirius Black hurts more than his previous breakups because Remus has never felt this way before. He has never trusted someone so much before.

He has never told anyone the story behind the scars on his torso (from a childhood attack by a crazed knifeman). He has never told anyone about how much they affected him, how much they still affect him, and how his self-image has been tarnished by silvery scars that will forever mar his skin and make him feel imperfect. He has never trusted anyone enough to talk about how bad the bullying was in secondary school. But he told Sirius and, although it had made him feel weak and vulnerable and exposed, it felt good to trust someone. And Sirius had stayed.

Remus was actually beginning to open up properly, and more than once he has wondered if that is why Sirius wanted to 'take a break' – because he had finally seen some of the real Remus and he didn't like it.

Remus sighs and throws his blanket off of himself, quickly finding his dressing gown and putting it on. He leaves his bedroom and quickly heads towards the sitting room where he collapses onto the couch and grabs the remote control, turning the television on and flicking through the daytime TV. He doesn't have lesson today – one of the perks of being on a Film and Media course, he's only in three or four days a week – and so he has decided to sleep in (which he has done) and wallow in self-pity as he tries to not think about Sirius Black and his perfect face and his sweet words and his loveliness.

Kevin jumps up onto the couch next to Remus and makes himself comfortable as Remus flicks through the channels. Failing to see anything of interest, he goes to his go-to channel: ITV. Judge Rinder is on and because Remus wants to drown himself in simple formatted television, he decides to leave it on and watch the 'court case'. He curls in on himself and Kevin shuffles further up the couch, lying behind him, practically pushing him off the small sofa.

Kevin is not a small dog. He is a very large Labrador. But he doesn't seem to think he's very big as he is constantly lying on Remus. Remus has accepted this because Kevin is his 'baby', despite being three years old, and so he valiantly tries to not fall off the couch.

Remus isn't alone for very long as his flatmate soon returns, carrier bags in one hand, keys in the other. Lily walks through the living room to the kitchen and puts the bags down, barely paying attention to Remus. For a moment, Remus wonders if she has even noticed him but when she asks if he would like a cup of tea, he realises that she has seen him and has decided to ignore his behaviour.

Remus is aware how pathetic he must look. He is in pyjamas that he hasn't taken off in three days, he hasn't showered in four days, and he has seen himself in the mirror – he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. Because he hasn't. Not peacefully, at least. He has never been so affected by a breakup before. But then again, he's never felt this way about someone before. (He has even cried over this departure – something which he rarely does in general, never mind over breakups.)

Lily enters the living room and puts his cup on the coffee table before she takes a seat in the armchair next to him and watches him. He stares at the TV, watching as the blond man sasses at his clients, and only looks at her when she finally speaks, "Remus, he is not a lapdog."

Remus frowns and his hand automatically goes to Kevin, stroking his dog like the defensive pet owner he is. "Yes he is," he replies. "Don't you listen to her," he mutters to Kevin who probably isn't listening to him.

Lily rolls her eyes and says nothing else on the matter, sipping her tea instead. "What are you doing, Remus?" she asks after a long moment, and Remus's frown deepens.

"I'm watching Judge Rinder," he replies.

"You know what I mean," she states as she lowers her cup to her lap and fixes her intrusive green gaze on him. "It's been a month. You should be over this by now."

"Three weeks and four days," he corrects. "And that's not long enough to get over him. Seven months doesn't deserve three weeks of mourning. I need at least seven weeks. Maybe longer."

"You really liked him, didn't you?" she observes, as though it wasn't obvious from his seven months of happiness followed by three weeks and four days of pathetic sadness.

"Of course I did. He was... bloody perfect, wasn't he? And he liked me, of all people." He sighs and returns his eyes to Judge Rinder. "I told him things that I hadn't told anyone before, Lily. Things that were... personal and... And now I don't have him and it's..." he trails off and shrugs, barely jostling a now-sleeping Kevin.

"What things?"

"Well I'm not going to tell you, am I? The last person I told broke up with me."

"Remus," she sighs, "I'm sure whatever you told him was not the reason for your breakup. Besides, it's not even a breakup. You're taking a break."

"I haven't seen him in nearly four weeks, Lily. And we both know that 'taking a break' leads to breaking up, so I'm accepting that and mourning what could have been."

Lily stares at him for a long moment before she suggests, "Why don't we go out tonight? Get dressed up, go for a few drinks, maybe get a few numbers? Forget about Sirius Black?"

Remus shakes his head minutely. "I'm not a partier, Lily. But I appreciate your attempts to jolly me out of this."

"Remus, sitting in the flat all day and wallowing in self-pity is not good for you."

Remus nods. "I know. But for now, it's all I want to do."

Lily sighs. "Fine," she relents. "But at least take a shower and change into some clean pyjamas. You're stinking the flat out."

Remus frowns and gives himself a subtle sniff. He smells fine to himself but he has to admit that it might be a good idea to shower and change into some fresh PJs, to wash away the bad feelings and feel slightly cleaner. "Alright. I'll shower. After this," he replies, returning his attention to the adverts.

"Remus," she hesitates. "Are you sure you don't want to do something tonight?"

"I'm sure," he replies. "Why?"

"Because I want to go out. We've just handed our Easter-break essays in and I want to celebrate. You don't mind if I go out, do you?"

Remus smiles, appreciative of her sympathetic nature. "Of course I don't mind. Go out. Have fun," he encourages. "Do you want me to keep the door unlocked?"

"No, I... I was thinking of staying with James tonight."

Remus looks at her and raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, he... We... We're kind of dating now."

Remus raises his other eyebrow and tries not to think of the implications of this new relationship. He tries not think of how he will now have to see Sirius because Sirius is James's best friend and brother-in-soul and if James is dating Lily, Sirius will undoubtedly be around. He tries not to think of how awkward it might be if Lily and James get serious... "Officially?" he asks.

Lily nods and Remus smiles, genuinely happy for her even if he is a bit jealous of her happiness.

"Good," he replies, "I'm happy for you."

She gives him a sceptical look and he is aware of how sarcastic he sounds. But in his defence, he always sounds sarcastic.

"I mean it," he adds. "I really am happy for you. Both of you."

Lily smiles, seemingly recognising his sincerity. "Thank you. I'm sorry it's not ideal, with you and Sirius and..."

"Does he make you happy?" he asks, because he is her best friend and her happiness counts above anything else.

Lily nods and smiles a smile that Remus knows means she is genuinely happy. "He does," she affirms.

Remus nods. "Then everything else doesn't matter. Sirius and I will learn to get over it."

Lily smiles and stands up, walking the short distance between their seats before she leans down and gives him a hug – a fairly awkward hug because he lying down and she is standing up, still holding her cup of tea. He manages to hug her back without jostling Kevin or her cup of tea. Finally she pulls away and stands up straight.

"Well, if I'm going out tonight, then I'd best get dressed," she says before she drains the rest of her tea, puts her cup on the coffee table, and skips out of the room toward her bedroom.

Remus doesn't bother to mention that it is only nearly 3PM because he knows she would not listen and he instead returns to watching the rest of Judge Rinder.

* * *

Remus is watching Star Trek: The Original Series on Netflix when Lily finally emerges from her bedroom looking like the heart-stopping beauty that she is. He has already showered and changed into a fresh pair of PJs (as instructed) and he has to admit that he feels a little better. He pauses the show as his best friend twirls in front of him and holds out her hands.

"So, how do I look?" she asks, looking nervous – though he really doesn't understand why, because she is always gorgeous.

"Beautiful," he replies.

She smiles beatifically and kneels down in front of him, blocking the television with her face. "And the make-up?" she asks, batting her lashes.

"Flawless," he replies, because it is. For a woman who scarcely wears make-up, she really is rather practised at it.

Lily smiles and nods. "Good," she says before she stands up and heads to the kitchen, coming back moments later with a wineglass full of something blue. "Last chance. Are you sure you don't want to come out tonight? Everyone's going to be there," she entices.

"Everyone?"

"Yes."

"So Sirius is going to be there?"

Lily hesitates. "Maybe. Remus, you were friends before all of this. Can't you try and be that again?"

Remus sighs. "Lily, I need time," he replies. "It'll just be awkward if we both go. I'm not over him and he might be over me. He might want to pull and if I'm there, he's going to feel weird whilst trying to get some other bloke's number, so it's best that I don't go. Besides, I'm not a big drinker, and I only have two episodes left of this season before I move onto season three again."

Lily hums. "I suppose you have a point. But you will have to see him eventually, you know. Especially if James and I get serious."

Remus nods. "I know. And I will. When I'm over him."

Lily hums again and sips her drink. "What time is it?" she asks after a moment.

Remus glances at the wall clock. "5:42," he answers. "Why?"

"I think I got dressed too early," she replies; Remus hums in agreement and she stands up, grabbing her mobile phone off of the coffee table. "I think I'll give James a ring," she says before she disappears from the living room into her bedroom.

No more than five minutes pass before Remus's own phone starts ringing. He fumbles around for it, eventually finding it in his dressing gown pocket. When he sees the caller, he frowns and sits up, jostling Kevin who is (was) lying on his legs. He clears his throat and absently sorts his hair before he realises what he's doing and stops – Sirius can't see him, after all, so there's no need for him to sort his appearance. After a moment's hesitation, he answers the call and puts the phone to his ear, waiting for Sirius to speak first, just in case he is dreaming because he and Sirius haven't spoken to each other in three weeks and two days, not since Sirius came around to collect a Music theory book from Remus's bedroom.

"Remus...?" Sirius asks, and Remus's heart stutters because anything Sirius-related has that effect on him.

"Sirius," he replies, inwardly commending himself for how normal he sounds.

"Remus, hi."

"Hello."

"I, um..." Sirius trails off, and Remus vaguely hears the sound of a door closing in the background. "I... How are you?"

Remus frowns again and answers oh-so-casually, "Oh, you know; good. You?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm brilliant," Sirius replies, and Remus feels like screaming because Sirius sounds like he's doing brilliantly.

"So... why are you calling?" he asks, because he really wants to watch Star Trek and forget about how happy and together Sirius sounds.

"Oh, um. I just... I wanted to..." he trails off, and Remus frowns because Sirius actually sounds a bit lost which isn't uncommon but whenever he calls Remus, there is always a reason. "I don't know," Sirius finally says. "I just, I think I left some things at your place. I can't find my Uni jumper."

Remus holds back a sob of despair because, for a brief moment, he had allowed himself to hope that Sirius was actually calling just to talk to him. He manages to keep himself sounding calm as he replies, "Oh, right. Um... Yeah, I think I've seen it somewhere. I could bring it to Uni on Monday, if you'd like?"

"Or I could come over and get it," Sirius suggests hurriedly, and Remus imagines he hears hope in his ex's voice. "Tomorrow, perhaps?"

"I won't be in tomorrow," Remus lies.

"Oh," Sirius replies. "Right... Where will you be?"

"Out," Remus replies simply.

"Oh, right. Um. Okay. Brilliant. I'll get it on Monday, then. Um, in the canteen, two o'clock? You finish lesson then, right?"

"Yeah," he answers, trying not to think about how Sirius remembers his timetable. "Sounds like a plan."

"Cool," Sirius replies, sounding relieved – probably because he's about to get the last of his belongings from Remus's flat and will soon have Remus out of his life.

"Yeah," Remus mutters, trying not to think of how desperate Sirius is to get rid of him. "Look, I have to go—"

"Remus..." Sirius interrupts, and Remus pauses, wondering what Sirius is going to say.

When Sirius says nothing else, Remus asks, "What?"

"I..." Sirius hesitates before he sighs and finishes with, "It's nothing. It doesn't matter. I'll see you around, yeah?"

Remus nods, even though he knows Sirius can't see him. "Yeah. Later, Sirius."

"Goodbye, Remus."

And with that, Remus hangs up the phone, curls up on the couch again, and pouts at the frozen Captain Kirk on his television. His eyes are beginning to sting but he refuses to cry because Lily could walk out of her room at any moment and see him. He knows that if he cries in front of her, she will cancel her plans and stay in to comfort him, and he'd really rather she go out and enjoy herself. One of them should have fun, and it's not going to be him for a little while yet. He rubs at his eyes furiously and puts the episode back on. By the time the episode finishes, it is after six and Lily emerges from her bedroom once again.

"Right," she says. "I'm off out. James is picking me up and we're having pre-drinks at his. This is honestly your last chance, Remus. Are you absolutely certain you don't want to join us?"

Remus smiles tiredly. "I'm certain. Go and have fun."

Lily nods and leans down to kiss him on the forehead. "Don't get too depressed," she half-jokes before she straightens up, checks that her bag is full of her essential stuff, picks up her overnight bag, and leaves the flat, calling behind her, "See you tomorrow!"

After a moment of silence and loneliness, Remus stands up and heads to the door. He locks it, puts the chain on, and then walks to the kitchen where he makes himself a cup of tea and grabs all of the junk food he can carry, Kevin dutifully following him as he does so. Armed with unhealthy snacks and tea, he goes back into the sitting room, lies down on the couch, puts Star Trek back on, and binges.

* * *

Remus is jolted awake from his restless slumber suddenly and he lies in disorientation for a moment before he realises there's a rather obnoxious banging on his door and he is – was – sleeping on the couch. Frowning, he squints at the wall clock: 1:12AM, it reads. His frown deepens as he wonders if perhaps Lily has decided not to stay at James's after all.

The knocking continues, Kevin is looking at him, and Remus quickly gets up from his temporary sleeping place to answer the door, lest he incur the wrath of his next door neighbour, a woman who seems to hate everyone. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes and pushing his hand through his hair, he stumbles towards the entrance, quickly reaching for the key and unlocking it. The knocking only stops when he undoes the chain and opens the door fully.

He freezes.

Because standing there, with his dark hair falling into his expressive grey eyes and his clothes dripping rainwater onto the hallway carpet, is Sirius Black, the man who has managed to gain both Remus's trust and his heart. Remus feels a trill of guilty pleasure when he realises that Sirius looks how he feels – lost and downtrodden and broken and sorrowful and a whole range of negative emotions. The grey eyes that he has looked into at their most intimate moments are watching him carefully and Remus can't help but realise, not for the first time, how unfairly beautiful Sirius truly is, even if he does look a little worse for wear and dishevelled.

Kevin is sniffing Sirius, his tail whacking against Remus's thigh as he waggles, happy to see Sirius. Sirius absently strokes the dog as he looks at Remus mournfully. Remus can't look away, as much as he wants to, because it is like seeing Sirius for the first time. His heart is trip hammering in his chest and his words are stuck in his throat.

"Remus..." Sirius says, and the spell is broken.

Remus realises what is happening and he grabs Kevin's collar, pulling him back into the flat, away from Sirius, closing the door as he does so. The door doesn't shut, however, because there is a solid boot stopping it.

"Re — Remus... please. Can we talk?" Sirius says quietly, in a way that is so unlike his usual boisterous self that Remus stops pushing the door and opens it, allowing Sirius to enter his flat.

Sirius steps into the flat and stares at Remus as he shuts the door and releases Kevin, who is sniffing Sirius's hand again.

"Remus—"

"Go through to the kitchen," Remus interrupts, looking at a point past Sirius's shoulder because if he looks at Sirius, he isn't sure what he will do – push him up against the wall and snog him into the next century or cry on him like the pathetic loser he is. "You know where it is. I'll, uh... I'll get you a towel and, um... I'm sure you left some clothes here."

With that, he moves past Sirius and goes into his bedroom where he leans against the wall and wonders what the fuck he is doing. He shouldn't have let Sirius in, because having Sirius in his flat is a little bit too much to handle, but he never could say no to Sirius.

He waits until Sirius finally listens to him and heads for the kitchen. He then takes a moment to collect himself and once he is sure that he won't break down in front of Sirius, he grabs some of Sirius's leftover clothes (a pair of lazy-day tracksuit bottoms and his Uni hoodie) and some socks, and then heads into the bathroom to grab a towel. He glances at himself in the mirror and tries to fix his wayward hair, but when he fails, he gives up and makes his way toward the kitchen where he finds a depressed-looking Sirius hunched over at the three chaired table – three chairs because Kevin ate one as a puppy and Remus and Lily don't exactly have the funds for a new one; they also don't care about getting a new one since only they live in the flat.

Sirius looks up as Remus enters the room and he stands up. "Remus, I—"

"You can get changed in the bathroom," Remus cuts in, unsure if he wants to know what Sirius wants to say. "Bring your clothes out and I'll dry them."

Sirius looks like he wants to say something else but instead he just nods, takes the clothes and towel from Remus's hands, and leaves the room, shooting Remus a lost look as he trudges away. Once Remus hears the bathroom door shut down the hallway, he exhales heavily and slumps back against the countertop. He feels drained and tired and unprepared, and he really doesn't know what to do because Sirius is in his flat and clearly wants to talk.

Remus sighs again and looks at where Sirius had been sitting seconds ago. He has left a puddle behind him. Remus grabs a tea towel and moves to dry the table and chair. Finished that, he flicks the kettle on and begins making two cuppas – one tea (for himself), one coffee (for Sirius).

Moments later, Sirius emerges and Remus's heart stutters because Sirius looks so familiar in his chill-out trackies and Uni jumper. It reminds Remus of lazy days in front of the TV, of intimate talks over pizza, of days when he was happy and content and ready to be open.

Sirius holds out his sopping clothes and Remus takes them, quickly shoving them in the old dryer and turning it on. The dryer clatters as it dries Sirius's clothes and Remus returns to making the drinks as Sirius retakes his now-dry seat at the table and carefully watches Remus. He looks like a lost puppy, waiting to be found by his owner, and it makes Remus's heart ache a little because although he is upset with Sirius, he doesn't want Sirius to be upset.

Despite what Lily said earlier, he and Sirius were not friends before their relationship. They were close acquaintances at best, having met in the 'Film and Feeling' module in their third year.

 _'_ _What noise do I make to get your attention?' had been the first words Sirius ever spoke to him._

 _Remus had been confused, not only by the question but also by the handsome stranger who had randomly sat next to him in the lecture hall. 'What?' he had asked._

 _Sirius had just grinned, unwittingly unleashing a horde of butterflies in Remus's stomach, held out his hand, and said, 'I'm Sirius. Like the star, not the expression. That's my noise. What about yours?'_

 _Remus had smiled, unable to control himself, because not only did this handsome student want to know his name but he was also a bit of a weirdo – and weirdos, Remus could be friends with. 'Remus,' he had answered, and he had shaken Sirius's hand. 'Like the myth.'_

 _Sirius had grinned and just like that, Remus had been ensnared._

After two months of flirtatious banter and sitting together in lectures/seminars and becoming closer as friends, Sirius had finally made the first move and invited Remus to a party at his Halls flat. Remus had accepted and he and Sirius had spent the evening together, getting steadily drunk and more flirtatious. At the end of the night, Sirius had walked Remus back to his flat and their relationship had begun with a messy snog on the front steps of Remus's block of flats and with Sirius asking him on a date. The next day, they had gone on a date to the cinema – Sirius chose the film, Remus chose the restaurant, and a lively relationship was born.

"Remus," Sirius finally speaks.

Remus starts, jolted out of his memories by reality. He picks up the cups and moves to the table, taking the seat opposite Sirius and placing Sirius's cup in front of him. He isn't sure he's ready to look into those sad grey eyes yet, so he stares down at his tea. When neither of them say anything, and the silence stretches on too long, Remus decides to get it over with and ask why Sirius is there. Steeling himself, he looks up and finds Sirius staring at him. He doesn't want to know what the expression on Sirius's face means but he's pretty sure that it's bad.

"Sirius," he begins, "What are you doing here?"

Sirius stares for a moment longer before he blinks and checks-in to the conversation. "I just..." He shrugs. "I dunno..."

"Are you drunk?" Remus asks, because slurring is not normal for Sirius. Sirius is refined, posh in a way that is not ostentatious but rather charming.

"I've had a couple," he admits. "I went out with James and Lily, but their happiness was making me feel rather depressed. So I figured I would get out of there before I ruined their night."

"You were out with James and Lily?" he asks, even though he knows the answer.

"Yes. And a few others..."

Remus nods and they take a simultaneous sip.

"This is really nice," Sirius comments about the coffee.

Remus just smiles and nods, unsure what to reply.

After another moment of silence, Sirius blurts out, "I asked Lily about you. She said that you haven't left the flat in days."

Remus frowns, unsure why Sirius was asking about him and confused as to why Lily would divulge his actions to his ex. "Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration," he replies but then he thinks about it and he realises that she is right. He hasn't left the safety of his flat since Monday, four days ago. But still, Sirius didn't need to know that. As far as Sirius was concerned, Remus was fine. Remus was functioning. Remus was not wallowing in the flat. "Sirius, why are you here?" he asks again, because Sirius always has a reason.

Sirius looks at him for a long moment, studying him, grey eyes flying over him with such care, reminding Remus of days and nights lying in bed together, learning each other, and although Remus wants to squirm under the obvious scrutiny, he manages to keep still. Finally Sirius sighs and leans back in his chair, looking as broken as Remus feels, and says simply, "Because I missed you."

Remus's heart stutters in his chest and he doesn't know what to do or what to say, so he takes a gulp of his tea and stays quiet.

"I missed you, Remus," Sirius repeats. "That's why I rang you earlier. I missed you and I needed to hear your voice. I've missed you and your odd habits and I just... I was out with James and Lily and the other couples and I couldn't enjoy myself because, like always, all I could think about was you. I was watching James and Lily, and I was seeing how happy they were, and I couldn't help but think of the last time I was that happy. That was with you, Re, and it hit me – **properly** hit me – just how much I missed your company. And I realised that all I wanted to do was be with you. All I wanted was to be wherever you were. And then I realised that I didn't care where that was; whether it out on the town, or in this tiny flat. As long as I had you with me."

"Sirius..."

"Remus, just let me... okay?" Sirius asks, and Remus closes his mouth and nods. "I'm sorry. I was an idiot; a monumental moron. I thought... I thought I was missing out on the university experience, spending all of my free time with you or doing work. But then I realised I wasn't. I wasn't missing out on anything. I'd already done the Fresher's fairs and the partying in my first and second years. And it was fun at first, but then I grew bored. But then I met you. I met you, and everything changed. I wasn't bored anymore. I had a meaning again. We became friends and then more and... And then I lost you because I'm a fucking idiot, and I'm sorry, Remus. You've probably moved on and found someone better, but—"

"I haven't left the flat in days, remember?" Remus replies quietly.

Sirius nods and Remus can practically see the hope in his eyes as he replies, "Right... Look, Remus, I know I suggested we take a break, but I think maybe now it's time to stop taking that break? I mean, we tried being apart and it was... well, for me, it was awful; I've never felt so shit before. So, maybe we could... stop that?"

Remus exhales and stands up, taking his half-full cup to the sink and washing it out. He doesn't know what to say. He's never been brilliant at speaking about his feelings and he honestly doesn't know what to do. Once he has put his cup in the sink, he turns around, leans against the kitchen countertop, and watches Sirius. Sirius is watching him with hope and fear and an extensive range of unreadable emotions splashed across his face.

"Sirius," he says, but even he doesn't know where he's going with it and he trails off with, "I..."

Sirius seems to deflate slightly as he quietly says, "You don't want to. You want to break up."

"I thought we had broken up," Remus admits.

Sirius shakes his head and stands up, but he doesn't move closer to Remus. He stays where he is and stares at Remus with an almost desperate hope. "I never wanted to break up, Remus. I wanted to take a break. I just wanted some time away, to think about things. I needed some space to figure out what I wanted, and I figured it out. I want you. I've wanted you since I met you. And I'm sorry it took me losing you to realise that."

Remus stares at Sirius for a long moment, noticing the restlessness in his ex. "You didn't lose me," he says before he has time to think about it.

Sirius's leg twitches, as if he wants to come closer to Remus, but he manages to stay where he is. "I didn't?" he asks.

Remus shakes his head, and Sirius finally moves. He comes closer to Remus, stopping when he is within touching distance, and his fists clench at his sides, as if he wants to reach out for Remus but is afraid of the reaction he might get. Remus's own fingers twitch and he struggles to keep himself in check, to keep himself from wrapping his arms around Sirius and never letting go.

"Please, Remus. I'll do anything. Just... could you give me another chance?"

Remus sighs. "Sirius, this past month has been one of the worst in my life. I-I don't... I can't..." He huffs in frustration and frowns. He hates that he cannot articulate himself properly, hates that he cannot say what he wants to say without stuttering or stumbling over himself. "I-I just... Fuck!"

"Remus, it's okay," Sirius says, finally reaching out. He takes Remus's hand in his own and smooths his thumb over Remus's knuckles. It is a calming gesture, one that Remus appreciates and one that reminds him that Sirius doesn't mind this particular character flaw. The action reminds him of previous intimate moments, of truths and secrets revealed. It reminds him that Sirius will listen and that he will not judge.

Remus looks down at their hands and exhales silently before he tries again, "Sirius, this break of ours has been difficult. I-I thought we were over, and it was hard. I just... I don't want to go through that again." He looks up and catches Sirius's eye. "How do I know that you won't want to take a break again?"

"Because **I** know," Sirius replies. "When I met you, everything changed. You changed me for the better, but I didn't realise that until you stopped being around, until we stopped being **us**. Remus, I... Look, if you want to take it slow, we can. Just... please. Take a chance on me. Give me another go, and I'll get it right this time. I promise."

Remus stares at Sirius for a long moment, mentally debating what to do, wondering whether he is prepared to trust Sirius again, before he pulls his hand out of Sirius's grasp, cups Sirius's stubbled jaw, and pulls the other student into a kiss.

The kiss is short and chaste but it conveys all he wants to say.

Sirius kisses back and his hands come up to bracelet Remus's wrists, an action that is familiar and makes Remus smile as he pulls away. Sirius's lips follow his, a response that makes his smile grow, and Sirius quickly manages to pull him back into a fierce kiss, and Remus lets himself feel. He allows himself to drown in Sirius and everything Sirius related; his lips, his scent, his warmth. He allows himself to understand everything Sirius is telling him through the lip-lock.

Remus kisses back just as desperately because it feels brilliant. It feels like the past few weeks don't matter because they are together again and the future is bright. It feels natural and right and familiar and like he is finally home after a long, hard day at work.

Finally the kiss comes to a natural end and when Remus opens his eyes, he finds Sirius staring at him, grey eyes shining bright with happiness and hope, and Remus has no doubt he is reflecting the dopey look of contentment on Sirius's face.

"So, you forgive me?" Sirius asks, smirking because he knows the answer already. "You'll give me another go?"

Remus smiles and rolls his eyes because of course he has forgiven Sirius; of course he will give Sirius another chance. He forgave Sirius the second he told him that he missed him.

"Sure," he says, all too casually. "Why not?"

Sirius grins that infuriatingly handsome grin and pulls Remus into another kiss, and Remus feels like this is the best breakup he has ever had.

* * *

 **A/N: This was inspired by Lupin3black's story 'We Need To Break Up'.  
Also, a JAM is a social class; it stands for 'Just About Managing' and refers to the people who are just about managing to stay alive and in a home.**

 **Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **Written: December, 2017**  
 **Edited: October, 2018**


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